The rhythm of my body has become unpredictable. Weeks of no rest, sparse food, sparse sleep, and transitory places have left me in shambles. The dreams I do have feel as if I’m awake, and in those dreams I’m still learning lessons. My mind has no way to relax.
Like a drum cadence switching time, I’m in the measures where it’s not yet clear what form the beats will take when they adhere to the lines, number over number of something predictable again – a pattern recognizable and repeatable.
But not yet.
Now is the time for wild, incongruous shifting that no one can predict. It’s a time of discord and crashing and clanging and shaking and being lost within the sounds as undecided as they are.
There is a unique violence and quiet within this measure and I am not free from its rule over my subconscious.
This churn within me swelling and overflowing and pulsing outward, spilling like tears or blood and just as necessary, not to be spared, keep rising and setting and settling and sitting and resting and leaving and taking my sanity, soothing my self-indulgence and sacrificing my sanctity.
Words external evaporated from old thoughts spring forward like acid rain onto my retinas. First quenching thirst and then infecting. Inflicting conviction through their inflection causing confliction with the convection they aim to erect in my chaotic conscription. The infection spreads as I search for the injection that stops the connection of the offending concoction of beautiful poison and wicked satiety.
The desire for sobriety to function in society and project a propriety of power against this power against this number over number against this word on a page and line on a sheet of simple suggestions of authority of being told that I compete and won’t complete or perfect, replete with suspect, deplete the dialect that shelters this rain, precipitating the bane of what should be MY existence but is nothing but a pale fane, disused and profane and exigent.
Now you’re upset.
But don’t forget.
The one to blame.
These words are at once my own and not my own. How can one fight the enemy without when the enemy within remains unknown?
If you like what you read, feel free to share. Basic Rules: Be civil. We are all people and deserve respect. That’s a hard and fast rule, by the way, it is not optional. Other than that, anything goes.